Can I "Have It All?"
- Ishaa Dhamne
- Nov 29, 2020
- 3 min read
Women who are getting ready to enter the workforce or have already entered it are all too familiar with the phrase “having it all.” Having children, a family, and a thriving career is seen as the ideal situation for a woman: having it all. Of course, there are many different reasons and motivations for choosing whether or not to have children, but career development can be a major factor in deciding when or if to have children. Women who do not have kids are seen as miserable and lonely, but most corporations do not have adequate programs in place to support a woman who wants to do both: raise a family and further her career. There are women who choose not to pursue a career so that they can take care of their family, women who choose not to have children so that they can pursue their career, and women who do both. If having it all means getting ahead in your career while taking care of your family, I’m sure we can all agree that women should be able to “have it all” if that is what she wants.
In order for career advancement to be more accessible to future or current mothers, there is a level of change that needs to be implemented. One of the clearest examples of a policy that could be changed to help working mothers is paid parental leave. According to an article in The Guardian from earlier this year, several countries such as Japan and Portugal offer paid leave for both mothers and fathers. The United States is one of the countries with the least amount of protections for parents who need time off work to care for their children. More often than not, the burden of taking time off to care for the kids is taken on by the mother, and this leads to women missing out on career opportunities, being taken less seriously when they return, and even getting paid less because “they work less” due to maternity leave. All of these factors result in women feeling discouraged and having to choose between being present for their children or getting further in their careers. This is a choice that fathers rarely, if ever, need to make.
In comedian Amy Poehler’s book Yes Please, Poehler has a line that essentially sums up a working mom’s situation in our country, “Every mother needs a wife.” What this means is that in order for a woman to get to the top in her profession while also being a mother, she needs support--which is traditionally the role of a wife. In the book, she talks about how women who have someone to help them take care of the kids, whether it’s her parents, a nanny or a friend, are much more likely to be able to succeed in the workplace. However, it is important to note that not every woman has that kind of support. The reason that men are able to have both a high profile career as well as a family is because the mother is expected to assume the responsibility of having kids, whether that means working from home, reducing the amount of projects taken on, or giving up her career altogether. Fathers typically do not have to worry about this, because typically, fathers do have a wife. Every mother needs one too.
Magazines, blogs, and even news outlets go on and on about women who “have it all.” Whether it is Indra Nooyi, mother of two and former CEO of PepsiCo or Viola Davis, mother of one (& also a stepmother!) and a renowned actor, it is seen as insanely impressive when a woman is able to have it all; and don’t get me wrong, it is impressive. These women are role models and superheroes. But my question is, why are we settling for a society where a woman having it all is seen as something that is almost unattainable? Why are we settling for a society in which so many women have to choose between motherhood and career ambition? How can we expect young women of our generation to be confident in themselves and their abilities if we won’t provide them with the support they need so that they don’t have to choose? Maybe someday, women who are just starting their careers won’t have to go to bed wondering, “Can I have it all?”
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